Sex and Islam - I. Muhammad

What I intend to speak about in no way pertains to every Muslim. I have just noticed something in the Islamic community that needs to be addressed whether those in the Islamic community are aware of these situations or not. This article is in no way meant to target, mis-credit or demean in any way, shape or form, but there are too many stories that I am hearing from other Muslims about what is happening, and it sickens me and I was absolutely appalled and in disbelief when it was first told to me. But like all things when you hear a story of something happening more then once but from different people ,within the religion, then you have to start to wonder what is going on, and is the religion still effective or does one just do it now out of habit? This question pertains to all religions. This is my disclaimer.


I was speaking to a friend and some how, like it usually happens, I was told that in an Islamic community that sisters’ get together, not for tasleem, but to have oral sex with one another. Well, I’m sitting on the phone in utter disbelief by that statement, and I say, ‘stop. No they don’t.’ My friend never has a reason to exaggerate the truth when it comes to the facts and my friend says, ‘yes, they do. I was talking to a sister who is apart of this community and she said that this is what the sisters’ get together to do.’ My reaction. Oh, my goodness. We talk about other things but that is the thing out of all the things we spoke about that left the impression on me the most.


I have been in the masjid during an event, and heard some young sisters in the hallway saying, ‘we still going out tonight to the club?’ Yes, the club.


I have been to dinners at sisters’ houses and not only do they talk about the wonders and the love for Allah, they talk about how the man who was the father had his child sit on his lap and was sexual fondling her. Or how a Sister re-married brought a child into that new marriage, had children with the man only to find out later he was molesting the child that was not his biologically. Ok, madness be still!


So, I find myself walking away from the Muslim community and only emerging for Jumah, and then slowly walking away all together after being in it for eleven years. I realized that a lot of Non-Muslims perceive Muslims as holy. Like Muslims could do no wrong. I’m sorry, but while I was practicing no one anointed my feet every morning. As Muslims we feel that and hold everyone to the standard of do you follow what comes out of the Quran and Sunnah. Well, at least I did and the people I hung around. I’ve seen the beauty of this deen and I’ve seen the madness, so it’s the madness that needs to be spoken on right now. Let’s address the holy than thou mentality Non-Muslims portray on Muslims because I got this a lot. Muslims are nothing more than people who slip and can make mistakes as well. As long as you are here in this flesh you are liable to make a mistake every once in a while.


Let’s address some of the questions I had while practicing and these questions still haunt me now.


-What are the reasons why young Muslimahs do not want to marry right away or at all?


-When interviewing a potential mate do you ask or talk about sex?


-Is there homosexuality in the Muslim community?


I have recently heard that a lot of young Muslimahs are not rushing to get married. Well they weren’t rushing while I was practicing either. A lot of young women now want an education, and don’t feel that being a housewife is for them. All that is fine. You have Muslims and Muslimahs who want to chose there own mates and don’t feel rushing into a marriage with someone they hardly know is the answer for them. When you do that you have young ladies who now start to sneak around. Example, every year there is an Arab American festival where I live. I took my daughter, and we walked in where the stage was. Walk a little farther and you come to the picnic tables and the food stands. As we are walking I hear someone call out to somebody and here walks up this Arab girl to this Caucasian guy. She walks to him and looks around, and he is looking at her in a perplexed way. She holds his arm still looking around and says to him, ‘wait right here. I’ll be back, I‘m with my family.’ She’s laughing, but still looking around. I’m looking at this scene going to myself I need to sit down and watch this play out, but I don‘t.


One he’s looking perplexed because he probably never saw her in her scarf, and doesn’t know what to make out of this, and she keeps looking around because her family is with her and they have no idea about him.


So, explain to me what is wrong with love when you come across it and it doesn’t practice the same way you do? Why should men only be privy to marriage to someone of another religion? I know I’ve heard it before, ‘because the Non-Muslim male would strip her of her religion.’ Not a true statement. I’ve meet a few Muslim women who married Non-Muslim men who respected her religion, and he was of another religion and they got along peacefully. It worked for them. So, is this just a way to subdue the woman so she does not ever want to stray outside the religion? A way to keep her docile? My other question is if she is stripping off her hijab (scarf) and going to clubs why is she doing it? Don’t get me wrong because men are in the clubs too getting there groove on.


These young men and women are looking for outlets that are not in the Muslim community. They have their music that they like to listen too. There are no social functions for these young people that they do sneak. There are no social functions because of the fear of mixing. So, why the fear of mixing? Most go to public schools, not Islamic, so they are meeting those of the opposite sex.


Some may be at an age where they want to marry but it’s hard to find someone if you can’t get close enough to talk to them. So, now they are going too find ways to socialize.


Is there homosexuality in Islam? While I was practicing I heard about a Masjid in Canada that allows homosexuality. In some Muslim countries it is allowed. But the talk among Muslims who knew this was how can that be when the Quran forbids such a practice. That if you follow the Quran how can you go against it and still practice homosexuality. I placed an article below where in Jakarta it is now allowed. So, to answer the question does it exist. Yes, especially if its allowed in some muslim countries and a masjid was built in Canada that’s attended by those who prefer the same-sex.


So, she may not want to marry because she is simply not ready to marry, never wants to marry because of the example in her household on marriage or what she has heard of marriage, or she just may be lesbian. You can disagree but I stand by this.


So, let’s get to the next question. Why were those women having oral sex with one another? (I’m not practicing and it still blows my mind) Well, I have come to the conclusion that men, you not taking care of your woman like you are supposed too. You can go to Mecca and kiss that black stone that resembles your woman’s vagina but yet you can’t go and worship the alter that sleeps next to you every night. In the Quran it speaks about the man and the woman being each others garment and to go to it as you will. Meaning how ever you two agree to have sex it is permissible.


Sexually take care of your woman, so she is not feeling unfulfilled sexually. This should not be a topic that is uncomfortable for two married people to speak about. You can’t just fall on top of her when the lights go out, ejaculate and think that she is okay because you ejaculated. Sex is about pleasure from one to the other. You want her to make you feel good you have to make her feel good, and when it comes to women, men have to put in a little bit more time called foreplay. Worship at the temple.


The other conclusion I came too was because maybe they are bi-sexual or lesbian. Don’t get appalled. Muslims get appalled to easily instead of critically looking at something for what it is. Remember I said NOT ALL Muslims. I’m only addressing the ones that are doing this practice. It’s a large amount because I was I told this about two communities where I reside, so it exist. So, let’s tackle the issue at hand, and stop acting like we are living in the times of Muhammad (S.A.W).


If these women are bi-sexual or lesbian it is forbidden for them to proclaim so, because homosexuality does not go hand and hand when dealing with Islam. When I speak of homosexuality I speak of women and men. So, you either have women in the community who do it because the man is not fully taking care of her sexually or she is bi-sexual. This leads into the next question.


When interviewing a potential mate do you ask or talk about sex?


Why is this topic such a turn off when you go to talk about it if you even dare to approach it? I have experienced this when I was interviewing brothers for marriage and so have a lot of other women. This is a necessary part of the interview process if you plan on getting married. I got tired of hearing brother’s say astagfillah sister we should not talk of things like that. Why not? We plan on doing it once we marry someone, right? Then it’s a necessary part of the interviewing process. Like I mentioned before sister’s want to feel sexually fulfilled by their man, not like a jump off (one night stand that you just get off on). So, as part of that process both parties should be mature enough to talk about this. You’re mature enough to do it, but you can’t speak on the issue. Allah is not going to get you for talking about sex. Most Muslim men can easily have sex with a non-Muslim woman but refuse to speak of it when around a Muslim woman which to me is kind of backwards.


I have heard of sister’s who told there wali that before considering or agreeing to marry the brother she needed to see his penis. Yes, you read correctly. Remember not just spiritual, emotional, financial, mental fulfillment, she needs sexual as well. It’s called compatibility. Just because two people have the same spiritual belief system does not mean off the back they are right for one another. It’s more than just that. You have to take the other components into consideration as I just mentioned along with the personality of the two people. So, communication and spending time together plays a big part of a potential relationship, whether it’s a platonic friendship or a friendship between the two that works out into a long lasting relationship.


The Wali went and told the brother what the sister requested, and all three parties went into a private area and the brother exposed himself for her. She looked and then left. That was her request. She had to know for herself, so how could she be denied. To deny that for her would have probably made her say no to marriage to the brother. I don’t know if this topic is viewed as dirty, but it is not at all dirty. Remember your potential wife or current wife is not your jump off, if you treat her as such you will lose her and sex with you will no longer be a joy it will be viewed as a chore. Once something starts feeling like we got to do it we start slacking hoping you catch on to the meaning.


References from Quran and Sunnah


Homosexuality


Surah 7:80-84


Surah 11:78-80


Islam 'recognizes homosexuality


http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2008/03/27/islam-039recognizes-homosexuality039.html


Famous poets in Arabia glorified homosexuality. Below is the poem, "Perfumed Garden" by Abu Nuwas:


O the joy of sodomy!
So now be sodomites, you Arabs.
Turn not away from it--
therein is wondrous pleasure.


Take some coy lad with kiss-curls
twisting on his temple
and ride as he stands like some gazelle
standing to her mate.


A lad whom all can see girt with sword
and belt not like your whore who has
to go veiled.


Make for smooth-faced boys and do your
very best to mount them, for women are
the mounts of the devils


Surah 52.24
And there shall wait on them [the Muslim men] young boys of their own, as fair as virgin pearls."


Surah 76.19-20
They shall be attended by boys graced with eternal youth, who will seem like scattered pearls to the beholders."


Surah 4.15 And as for those who are guilty of an indecency from among your women, call to witnesses against them four (witnesses) from among you; then if they bear witness confine them to the houses until death takes them away or Allah opens some way for them

Black Male/Female Relationships

I am basically a home body, which means I drop my child at school, go to work, pick my child up and then go home. I don't do clubs, and when I go to the movies 9 times out of 10 I have my child with me and we are going to see some child friendly movie she wants to see.  Dating is much different then it was when I was in my 20's.  A guy would take me out to dinner, maybe go to a show and he would bring me home and we would sit in te car and finish having our conversation.  He would walk me to the door say good night and then go home.  Now, from what I'm hearing dating has a new face, especially among these 20 something's now. Especially in the club setting. Oh, my goodness.  I can't put them all in the same bag. It just makes me ask, "what is dating now?"

I last dated when I was 23 years old.  I then chose to be celibate until I was 25. This is when I discovered Al-Islam and got married to the man who gave me shahada.  I was married four times between the ages of 25 to 34.  I am not ashamed of it. Between me marrying these four men was two years that I was to myself.  These two year intervals  between each man was supposed to be my introspection time, but I kept marrying the same man, just a different body.  I sought a divorce on moral issues.  There were things I saw about them that I morally could not deal with and when I asked about certain things before we got married I was either lied to or told half the story as I would later find out.  The only one who was decent was my third husband. He decided he wanted girlfriends as well.  We are still friends, but I could not be remarried to him again.  He loves women to much, and I'm one that doesn't look back once I walk away unless it was a situation that was just plain childish on both our ends then I would give it a go again, but that hasn't happened yet.

My fear of dealing with men that left me feeling and locking myself away like a hermit was in 2006 with my last husband.  He literally put fear in me concerning men that I never had towards men before in my life.  It was eating me up so much that I had to resolve within myself that I refused to be afraid any longer because of what this one guy did.  I made my resolve and then put into the universe the type of men that I wanted to grace the presence of me and my child.  A year later the universe answered and I met a guy who is a mutual friend to a sister I know.  He and I are now friends, and he has helped renew my faith, but I realize the process of that renewal began with me.  If I didn't release that negative energy that man had shown to me I would be a negative, resentful woman towards men, and its not fair to the opposite sex to let that type of baggage on to them and they had absolutely nothing to do with the way you are feeling now.

So, from 2006 up until September of 2011 I have been a hermit going through introspection of my life and what I want.  It for me was about emotional clearing.  I had to emotionally cleanse myself of all the crap I have been holdiing onto.  I remember my spiritual teacher I was seeing back in 2006 telling me, "You are in a lot of pain.  You have to let go of that fear.  You will let go of the pain.  You must learn to feel. You have to feel."  It was all true what he was telling me.  Alot of us are caught up in just having someone in our lives and we have not yet emotionally healed from whatever it is that has us bound up with that fear.  You can't enjoy the person that you have present in your life if you are afraid of them leaving you. Think they are merely there to make you happy, or that you can't live without them if they spiritually out grow you. If you are comfortable, and happy with yourself, that person who comes and is then present with you then becomes your compliment.  If they leave or spiritually, emotionally out grow you you'll be fine because you were actually fine before they arrived. You have to have an emotional clean slate before you start to seek out anyone else. To learn and take one another for what you/ they are can't be done when you still hanging onto past baggage lugging it around with you. You're still concerned about how someone from your past hurt you and you take that into a present relationship worrying if they will hurt you the same way has set you up for being hurt again because you brought it in with you and you didn't take the time to emotionally cleanse yourself.  You became unfair not only to yourself but to that new person.  You must emotionally heal. The hurt will only re-surface until you stop, look it straight in the situation and deal with it.  Learn from it. Heal from it. Grow from it. Move on and away from it.

 I've meet people who because they had a bad upbringing and mommy wasn't around or doing what she was supposed to do, and you show them some kindness this person became attached, and afraid if i left that he would loose it.  Well, I did leave and he is doing fine.  We have to leaarn to be okay with being alone for a while as well.  When your alone you get to learn more about who you are.

Well, now I'm ready to come out the hermit mode, and start putting myself back out there which I'm finding has changed and its different now for me, because I didn't have a child before.  This is the part where it becomes a litte difficult because even though I want to start meeting people again, I don't believe in putting my child off on my mother.  I do that enough with her picking up and watching her after school.  So, it has brought me into the mind of, it would just be better to have a platonic male relationship.  You get to know the person much better than you would dating them.  With a friendship you get to see the genuine, authenic person instead of meeting the first impression person you get on a date.  You get to see how that person interacts with others on a personal level when they are just hanging out with people they know.  There is no special show being put on, just for your benefit so you'll like them.  You are also building a foundation for your relationship with that person whether it goes beyond a friendshp or not. You also have a foundation.

I had a male friend in high school. I was in the eleventh and he was in the tenth. We had one class together and we would talk in class and still do our work and the teacher didn't mind.  I think she liked the way we interacted with one another as well.  We stayed friends after high school, but it never progressed any further than a friendship because I was not attracted to him any more than on a friend basis.  He had a beautiful personality, funny, and he was nice looking, intelligent.  I remember he took me out on a date and it just felt strange.  That's when I knew that it wouldn't be anymore than what it was already.   I moved to Georgia and we lost touch.  I want a friendship with a guy first.  I just think that is so important if anything is going to last.  It may not be for you, but dating for me just seems superfical and sexual.  I may not want to have sex with you that week, two weeks from then or even a month from meeting you.  Sex is sacred, so I consider my celibacy a virtue.  Who ever he is he must accept. No manipualtion games, just accept. I consider my womb sacred and not a deposit center for every man's seed.  There's no sign here that says, 'all deposits welcome'.  I'm at the point in my life where just merely having sex is not satisifing enough for me.  I want to expereince Tantra.  I want to experience a spiritual, emotional connection with the man that I am with, and that right there alone is sacred.  Sex is not just screwing everybody just because they look good.  Its not dirty, but it is sacred, and there is a spiritual connection being made.  (This isn't meant to do with just anybody. So a one night stand won't work. This is for a long term partner.)  Exchanging of energies, not just body fluids.  So, there can be no drama attached to him especially since I want to experience Tantra.

 This is where my journey has led me. This is where I am at.  We must get back to building foundations with one another. Learning self-control of just having sex with anybody and not checking them out fully. You could possibly be passing the 'one' for you by just because she said she wants to be just friends.  Hear those words, just friends.  Not a booty call, not your casual sex partner, not your one night stand, but your friend.  Meaning she likes you and wants to get to know the genuine, authentic you, and if you show it to her and stay real with her, you may get her and have her for a while and be truely happy with what you got. She not only knows the genuine, authenic you, you know the genuine, authenic her.

                                                       

Shining Stars

I absolutely love this video because it tells us as parents not to get discouraged because our children are labeled as ADD or ADHD, but to also understand that we have children that ae shining stars and are special and intelligent regardless of what they are being labeled. I had to start this site because they were trying to label my child as ADD. She was a child that just refused to do her school work. I was told by her teacher that she refused to pick up a pencil and write. I went to look for a school with a smalll class size, and I found a school not far from me that offered just that. As I was talking to principal and telling her about my child she said to me that your child sounds as if she has disgraphia. Disgraphia I researched is when a person has a hard time writing and may need special equipment to do there work like a computer. My daughter loves working on computers. I decided not to put her in that school because it was a religious based school and I don't want my child in any type of religious based school. No swipe against those who are or do put there children in religious based schools.

One day sitting in front of my daughters school waiting for the bell to ring, I was listening to a morning talk radio program. The topic was schools earning a fee from your child. They were talking about how the schools refer parents to go see there doctors annd if the child is put on medication like Ritalin the school gets a fee off of that child being put on medication. Needless to say I got angry sitting in my car listening to that and here it was the school she attended was trying to have me do that very thing. So, I say to all parents that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your children. We have a school and medical system trying to make money off our children by medicating them. The medication may "calm" them but its also suppressing emotion. My daughter had a friend who was in her class that was put on Ritalin, and all of a sudden she told me he was threating her for no reason, and saying he was going to beat her up. This was after the medication. Before that there were no such incidents. They were no longer in the same classes together, she said he would see her at lunch or on the playground. Then she said, "Mama he not the same anymore." She could tell the change and didn't know he was being medicated.

One of the things I found that worked with mt daughter was that I HAD to change her diet. I had her focus her attention to that which she loves to do, which is the arts. Drawing, coloring, writing and drawing her own comic book. I am in the process of getting her a guitar. In other words find your child's talent or future aspirations and start working on them now. They want to be a Chef let them cook in the kitchen with you. In other words find your child's talent or future aspirations and start working on them now. In other words find your child's talent or future aspirations and start working on them now. Meditation works well. They may only be able to do it for five minutes but that's okay, its a start. Most important part get them off the white sugar. Its like crack. They eat it, then they're all over the place. Get them outside. I've noticed most schools now don't have recess time, just gym. Let chilldren be children and play and this ADHD would be knocked out. Show love and compassion because these children coming in the world now need our love, compassion, and time.

I found this brother not to long ago that goes in and explains the link of the Public School System and the link with black children rather excellently.  Take a listen for yourself.