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Wednesday, July 30, 2025

Love to See You in Person: The Manipulation Behind the Visit That Never Happened

                                  


                     By Damali M. 

After introducing his daughter and pushing the Visitors card, Chinedu quickly shifted into a new phase of emotional manipulation, this time, wrapped in promises of travel, studio setbacks, and his desire to finally meet me in person. It all sounded promising, but the undercurrent was always the same: another request, another excuse, another delay.


 Celebration Time!

 I like Chinedu's daughter . So, when she told me she was graduating I was happy for her. She asked if I would be sending her something. She said she had the school fees that could be donated.  I told her I would. It was her graduation. These fees were not going toward school fees, but money gifted to the child.

On April 8th, 2025, I sent a financial gift to celebrate what I was told was his daughter's graduation, She messaged me with gratitude and affection.I did it without hesitation, because that's what a mother does. I never imagined that act of kindness would later be part of a manipulation. 


He later started asking me to help pay her school fees, so that she could graduate. 








A Microphone and Speaker Destroyed:

Then came the studio story. He went to the studio that day happy, but when I spoke to him he told me what had happened to his microphone that he needed in order to record in the studio. A worker, he claimed, had burned out his microphone. Without it, he couldn’t work. 

Could I help? That was the question hovering beneath his words. Each time he spoke of his music, there was a passive attempt to rope me into saving the day. But how many times can someone rescue a man who refuses to save himself?


I was at work when I received this video. I couldn't really listen to but I did notice his body language and it told me he was  not too happy.  I would learn fully later what it was about and he was actually cussing the person who damaged the microphone and speaker. I received this video the day before it was posted online. He was not happy at all this day. I believe he was without a microphone for a week,




He did ask if I could assist in purchasing a new microphone and speaker.






No Was Never A Word


Despite me constantly telling him that I didn't have the money or couldn't assist, he continued to step over boundaries where walls were built but chose to walk through like an apparition.







Honey! School Fees Are Due

Despite already contributing a graduation gift, he circled back to his daughter, this time with a request for school fees. I said no. Somehow, a $1,500 VIP card appeared, and just like that, the fees were paid. It didn’t add up. And I knew by then, he always had access to funds. He just preferred not to use them when he could use someone else's heart instead.







He sent me a video that night of him performing at her graduation. Hw sent me pictures of him dancing, and taking a Graduation photo with her. 

He was a parent that was suppose to be enjoying his daughters day, not on a stage working up a sweat performing.  He said he enjoyed himself and the school fees got paid.

When My Daughter Became The Mirror He Couldn't Face


He said he wanted to meet my daughter and get to know her. Two families coming together to know one another. I thought it was a good idea. 

I told my daughter about him and asked if it would be okay to give her social media page to him so they could meet. At first, she said no. It was understandable. It's been she and I together for so long, she would have to adjust to someone else wanting to share her mother's time and energy.  

Three days later she gave the okay. I sent her social media to him and they talked. I was coming home from work.  As I pulled in the driveway and I'm sitting in the car my daughter comes to the front door and snatches it open. She just stood there as I feel her energy radiate through the door into the car. 

Chinedu sends me a screenshot of the conversation he had with my daughter telling her that he was my fiancé. 

He told her we were engaged, without ever asking me. She was livid. Shocked. Protective. She asked questions he wasn’t ready to answer.








 
He tried to play it off with  compliments, and network excuses. But my daughter saw through it. She didn’t hate him, she just didn’t trust him.
 
And truthfully? At that point, neither did I.
 
What hurt most wasn’t that the conversation failed, it was that he treated her like an obstacle, not a young woman who saw through the cracks in his story. The last thing she wanted was to watch her mom get her heart broken. She wasn’t angry for nothing. She was disappointed. She was right.

And that was the moment he started to pull back, not because he respected her truth, but because he realized he couldn’t control it.




He said he would speak with her. But all she got was a call that literally lasted 10 seconds before it dropped. That broke her heart. You didn't just break my daughters heart, you broke mines. Didn't realize it would get broken again as we near closer to us meeting up.

Another Platform to Be Heard From

After all the talk about the Visitors card, he introduced a new obstacle: a prepaid card that supposedly needed to be loaded and added to a new music platform he was introduced to while at a Boxing match  in Saudi Arabia. He made it sound urgent and important, claiming it was the only way to move forward. But I couldn’t help but feel like I was being looped into another financial setup disguised as a technical requirement.


He suddenly stopped talking about the prepaid card and deflected back to my daughter being upset and then over to the day when he was to come visit me. He then asked about the price of the hotel room and I told him. He told me he was coming with his workers and that they would need a room as well. The way he asked how much the room was I thought he was going to cover the price of my room. To good to be true.   But silly me I forgot he did say I would be "supporting" him when he came.

He never did show up on March 30, 2025. He told me that he was here but didn't specify exactly where. As time went on he would tell me he was safe and then get upset at me because I wouldn't pay for his workers room, and that he was out in the cold.  I got emotionally drained with him.  I broke down and sent him $248, for a room for his workers for the night that he said he didn't receive. Why? He attached his security's account to his account and that money went to his security.  

That's is what broke me more.  He asked if I could send it again. I told him no because o didn't have it. 

After around and around about where he was. Was he in the city. Guilt tripping me making me think he was out in the cold in a car somewhere.  

He finally came clean that he wasn't even in my city, he was in California. I broke down. Not crying. The going inwards to be by yourself, why am I so foolish dealing with his bullshit breakdown.  He called me that night. He felt the energy, that I was about done. That he lied and had me worried that he was somewhere in my city possibly cold or in the wrong damn neighborhood at night.


Why Was I Still Here

The message, “Love to see you in person,” came too late. I had waited long enough. The promises, the setups, the stories, I saw through them now. He never intended to come. He just wanted to keep the door cracked, just wide enough to keep me tethered. And he did. 

I slowly spiraled while in the "relationship" with him. I knew the the only way to come out of this whole was to slowly build myself back up while I was in the fire dealing with him. That's why I stayed. I stayed because there was a piece of my heart still holding on to him as well. When I fall in love I don't do it half assed.  I'm invested.   

Once this Phoenix rose from her ashes is when I would truly let him go without leaving feeling bitter, cold and stripped and feeling defeated. 


To Be Continued...


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