By D. M.
🧱 Before The Door Slammed Shut
Chinedu {Flavour} coming to visit me didn't work out, and I was so broken and disappointed that he lied to me. We made plans. It wasn't like it was last minute, and he didn't know he was to be here with me. He just knew where else he needed to be, that's all. He didn't have the consideration to let me know. Instead he lied about it. Thursday of that same week he was to come visit me, I was in my hotel room lying in bed when a notification went off that the AfroFuture Fesitval was going to happen. I noticed him on the line up, but he never mentioned that he was performing.
When I asked he says, "I was meaning to tell you about that." Heart still broken. He said if I needed help getting tickets he could help me out. At this point, I didn't want him helping me with anything financial because all he did at this point was take my money and have me hopeful only to bust my bubble and have me falling without a safety net. So, I declined. This is when he told me he had a meeting with his manger and that the Visitors card was now being replaced with the VIP Card. This VIP Card would cost $1,000.
I asked him, "What about the visitors card? Would I be able to see you?" His response, "Only if you have the VIP Card."
The VIP Card had now replaced all the priveliges and benefits that the Visitors card had held. All I saw was my money gone and no hope of ever meeting this man without having this card. This wasn't a relationship, it was a transactional relationship. It finally hit me. I'm genuinely liking and falling for this man, and it's about seeing him, but not without the card.
AfroFuture & The VIP Card
This was no longer about Love. It was feeling transactional, and I was the product.
Let Me Come Visit You This Weekend
Since I wouldn't give in to getting the VIP Card for the Afro Future Festival he decided to try another means...Let me come see you this weekend.
At this point I became annoyed. I was getting tired of the lies. The emotional manipulation. Just come clean and be honest with it.
The Private Flight Switch
Since I wouldn't bend the way that he needed me to bend he pulled out a new method to try and turn me...Emotional manipulation.
This wasn't the first time he used the 'bank issue' on me. The first time was with his daughters school fees.
Here he was using that line back on me again. I was feeling used.
How does a man who claims to have money move like he’s still in survival mode?
It didn’t add up.
The woman who was in love with him, me, was getting tired of this nonsense.
Tired of the games.
Tired of being the one carrying the weight while he played helpless.
I was spiraling out and breaking down, but I refused to let him see that. He'd already taken enough.
Sexual Diffision
I was growing tired of this conversation. I was becoming annoyed and frustrated and I needed to name it what it was out loud.
By this point, I wasn’t being seduced or swayed,I was tired.
Tired of the blame-shifting.
Tired of the circular arguments.
Tired of hearing “I don’t have money” followed by yet another request for it.
This was my attempt to break the cycle, not deepen it. I wasn’t trying to escalate intimacy, I was trying to de-escalate the drama.
Me: “Look at this point, all I know is that when we do finally get together, we need to hug it out and then go sex it out. We’re both sexually frustrated and need each other.”
It wasn’t lust, it was logic. An attempt at grounding what had become an emotional tug-of-war. I wanted peace, not another plea.
